Maud's Folly

This story was based on the three tarot cards: page of swords, five of cups, eight of swords!

I stood there in front of the Dean’s door awaiting my fate. Oh right, forgot to knock. There was the quiet shuffle of footsteps on carpet as the Dean made his way to the door. Then, the door opened with a small creak that made me wince. There stood the Dean with a disapproving smile on his face, like he’d witnessed something embarrassing upon seeing me. I took a deep breath.

“You wanted to see me, Sir?”

“Yes, Maud, thank you for coming. Come in, come in.” he gestured to the chair behind him.

The Dean sat behind his desk, a large pennant of the Southern Christian University hanging proudly on the wall at a jaunty angle completely inappropriate for the mood of the room. “I suppose you know why I’ve brought you here, Maud?”

I pretended I didn’t. “Not really. Is something wrong?”

The Dean steepled his hands and stared off into the distance in the corner of the room. “We have certain standards here at Southern Christian University, and we don’t tolerate certain behaviors. I know that all teenagers and young adults have certain urges, but at this University, we are expected to know better than to act upon them as they are cardinal sins.”

“I still don’t really know what you mean, Sir.” I had an idea. A flash of a beautiful, fleeting memory. One kiss shared with Shelly Dupree. I could feel the heat in my cheeks.

The Dean looked down his nose at me, and I suppose he saw my cheeks flush. His eyes narrowed in disgust. He sighed. “You were witnessed fraternizing with another young female off campus.”

By whom? “I don’t put much stock in baseless accusations against me, Sir. Am I going to have a chance to defend myself or will you just believe anything you hear?”

“Several people witnessed the event, Maud. The accusations aren’t baseless, your actions are baseless. They are grounds for your expulsion from the University.”

“So, one harmless kiss, and I’m done?” My anger rose, always too quickly for my own good. It tends to take control of my mouth.

The Dean sat back, “I would hardly call it harmless. Your exploits have spread in a hush all over the University and you are threatening to sully our entire reputation as a Christian institution. I’m afraid an example will have to be made of you.”

“Me?” I nearly choked. “I’ve heard the rumors of you and the young freshman boys, Sir.” I nearly spat.

The Dean’s face grew incredibly red, and I saw his hands form into fists on his desktop. I really thought he was going to swing at me, but just when I thought he would, a sly smile formed on his face. “You, Maud, are done here. You have one hour to gather your belongings, and then you will be escorted off the grounds by campus security. Goodbye.”

And that was it. My life was done in that moment. I left, and thought about all the things I’d be losing by getting myself kicked out for one moment of stupid passion. My life’s goal of becoming a microbiologist would be done. My parents couldn’t afford another university, and besides, they were too conservative to send me anywhere else. I was done, I was done, I was done.

I took a bus to the station in our town, and had an awkward, quiet ride home with my father. He wouldn’t dare broach the subject with me alone, because he’s usually too concerned with being properly religious. We finally arrived at my parents’ house, and my dad helped me bring all my belongings up to my old room. The whole time, my dad and mom both looked like a family pet had died despite never owning any pets.

Finally we sat down at the kitchen table, and let the silence fill the room. My mother eventually said the first words, “So, does this mean you’re a lesbian now?”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, because they didn’t get the point of it all. “This isn’t about my sexual orientation. This has nothing to do with that. I was on a track to get the career of my dreams, I was about to become a microbiologist, and that’s all done now.”

They were quiet for a moment, then my dad spoke, “Honey, life is always about your actions and reactions to things in the moment. Your life can take a million different turns from this point forward, but you can only ever take responsibility for what you do in the present.”

“But I didn’t actually do anything.” I countered. “I was studying, getting good grades. My professors all applauded my aptitude and my drive to explore new ideas. It’s what I lived for.”

“Maud, you kissed another woman,” my dad blurted and my mother choked.

I didn’t know what to say. My anger left me sputtering. “I…I did, but that has nothing to do with anything!”

“Maud,” my mom said, “You have to admit to yourself that something happened. You can’t go on just denying that. You kissed this girl, and it means something to you, whatever that may be.” She looked at my father, “I know you might not expect this, but your father and I, we fully support you no matter what path you take.”

My father continued, “I get it. You feel like your path in life right now is stalled out, but the only reason this happened at all is because you never took the time to truly evaluate yourself. You’re always rushing face first into your life without thinking about where you’ve been or where you ought to be. Judging from your behavior, Southern Christian University is definitely not where you ought to be.”

“But…” I hate when people are right about me, and my parents have a way of seeing into me that I never seemed to master for myself. “I hate when I can’t argue with you…”

My parents laughed.

“But what am I supposed to do about my career?” I asked.

My father sighed, “I honestly don’t think that’s what you need to be concerned about right now, honey. Money is tight for us, but we’ll support you while you take the time to figure things out, and when you’re ready, then you worry about a career.”

I guess what my parents were saying had some merit to it. I really should figure myself out. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to figure out my career as well, but this whole thing truly is getting in the way of everything.

So, I did what I always do when something is causing me angst: I throw myself into experimentation!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Doesn’t that mean I go into town and whore myself out to every woman I can find? Well, you would be wrong at that. I did go into town, but I walked around feverishly looking for all the signs of the queer world that might be hidden in my southern christian paradise. They were hard to find, but they were here and there.

There’s a bar that does drag shows on Saturday nights. The rest of the time it masquerades as a normal bar, but in reality, it is a haven for the gay community.

There’s a hair salon that has several queer hairdressers. They secretly cater to the transgender community. Several of the local church matrons would be shocked to find that the women in the salon chair next to them still have a penis.

Everywhere I looked there were signs of an underground community that was almost accepted. I’ve heard that in Japan, they have a saying that goes something like: the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. I think that’s true of our little community here. As long as everyone keeps their heads below water they won’t get hammered down by the supposed gentle majority.

I dove in.

I had my hair dyed some radical colors, I hung out with fellow sapphics at the bar on lesbian night, and I danced the night away with drag queens. Life felt freer. I felt more like myself. I was almost able to forget that my career had disappeared in a puff of smoke.

One night at the bar, I was talking to one of the drag queens about what had happened to me, and she was outraged. She told me that her boyfriend was a professor at Golden State University. She told me that she would talk to him about my story, and she would get him to get me a spot at the university. Apparently, a large component of the faculty was LGBTQIA+. She was drunk, so I thought nothing of it. Smiled and nodded.

Fast forward to two weeks later at queer night, and I see the drag queen again without her regalia. He had his boyfriend in tow, and walked straight over to me. “Andy, baby, this is that sweet little lesbian I was telling you about!”

“Pleasure to meet you, Maud,” Andy said and smiled.

“Likewise, Andy,” I said.

“Please, call me Andrew. Only Barry insists on calling me that insufferable nickname.”

“He loves it,” Barry poked Andrew.

“Anyway,” Andrew said, “I was hoping we’d see you tonight! I had a talk with my Dean and she would love to talk to you about your experience and recruit you to Golden State. I’m terribly sorry you had to deal with that awful Dean at Southern Christian University.”

“I call him Dean Kiddy Diddler,” Barry laughed an infectious laugh.

“I would love to,” I said, “but I don’t think I or my parents could afford Golden State.”

Andrew pursed his lips for a moment, seemingly in thought, “You were studying microbiology, correct?”

“Yes,” I affirmed.

“I have a colleague who works in the biology department who is thinking about starting up a lab tech program where the students that take part would have part of their tuition paid as a benefit of helping out the University. It wouldn’t be everything, but I think we could talk the Dean into enough, based on your story, where your tuition would be similar to that of Southern Christian University,” Andrew said, and I nearly died inside.

“Don’t get my hopes up Andy!” I said

“Seriously!” Andrew said, “Anything for our little community.” Barry looked at him with stars in his eyes and kissed him on the cheek.

Within a week, I had a meeting with the Dean of Golden State and Andrew. Two weeks after that, I was enrolled in classes and working in Doctor Ping’s microbiology lab. There was an even more vibrant queer community at Golden State than in my hometown. Within a month, I had my first true girlfriend, and I was well on my way to a career in Microbiology.

I had turned my life around, and it was all thanks to the community. I went from being tossed out like taboo garbage, to being loved and accepted for who I was. I thanked my parents, and even managed to get my mom to get a rainbow peekaboo in her hair. I keep pinching myself, but, nope, I’m actually living my dreams.